Storks

Posted on July 3, 2017 by Tennyson

Vampire Owl: Have you ever met the Vampire Stork?

Vampire Bat: What? There is no such thing as a Vampire Stork. It is not natural.

Vampire Owl: Well, a Vampire Panda is not natural, but we have one.

Vampire Bat: But we know that it is Kung Fu Panda in disguise.

Vampire Owl: Still, the Vampire Stork became a strange reality near Bermuda Triangle.

Vampire Bat: In that case, it could possibly be a Zombie Stork.

Vampire Owl: Well, the investigation teams are on their way.

Vampire Bat: What if the stork is to deliver a baby instead?

Vampire Owl: Storks don’t deliver babies!

Vampire Bat: Just watch the movie and find out!

[Gets three cups of lemon tea with 50-50 biscuits].

What is the movie about? :: It was quite natural for the storks of Stork Mountain to deliver babies to the families all around the world, and each one of them found extreme happiness in doing the same. They had delivered millions of babies to people until one stork named Jasper (Danny Trejo) attempted to keep a little baby girl for himself one day, which changed it all. The tracker which provided the location of the family to which the baby was to be delivered is lost, and Jasper goes away from there in shame and disgust. With no option left, the storks adopt the baby, and name the new orphan as Tulip (Katie Crown) who grows up within the company. The CEO of the company, Hunter (Kelsey Grammer) discontinued all baby delivery after that and replaced the same with package delivery going by the name Cornerstore.com. After doing the same, he has been focusing on the stocks only, and by being mean to everyone, made the firm a succesful company based on exploitation of its work force.

So, what happens next in the movie? :: Eighteen years after she was adopted, Tulip who is an adult now, is working with Cornerstore, and regularly messes up things. Hunter is not happy that Tulip keeps bringing the stocks down with whatever she s doing at the factory. As Hunter is the typical boss who doesn’t want to deal with the emotional side looking only for profits, he just wants to fire Tulip, and he assigns the task to Junior (Andy Samberg) who is to take his place after he becomes the chairman. Junior can’t get himself to fire the girl, and so he transfers her to the mail room which doesn’t really get any mail these days. While she spends all her time there alone, Junior hopes that he can finally get the promotion and be the boss to be in control of the operations.

And, what is to follow next in the animated adventure? :: At the same time, Nate Gardner (Anton Starkman) is a lone boy who is in need of some attention as his parents Henry Gardner (Ty Burrell) and Sarah Gardner (Jennifer Aniston) are always working, not even trying to spare five or ten minutes with their child. He sends a letter to the storks, hoping that he could get a baby brother to play with. This letter which reaches Cornerstone, has Tulip’s attention as she has the first letter in a long time. She immediately enters the baby factory and use the letter to make the baby-making machine work. The result is a pink-haired baby girl. Junior arrives at the machine to try and shut down the machine, and injures his wings. With him unable to fly after the injury to his wings, the two uses Tulip’s flying machine which she had invented to work while delivering for Cornerstone, and plans to get the baby home before anyone else finds out. But can they successfully do that?

The defence of Storks :: This movie might be the cutest that any animated flick can get, with babies as the centre of attraction. The kids are going to love this movie like no other, as the cuteness factor is at its best beginning from the birth of the first baby itself – then there are a lot of babies coming together in the end, and it is the explosion of cuteness on the screen, like happiness was for Trolls. Then the movie gets to another sweet level, and with its short run-time, never get go of that quality. Along with the same, there is a lot of fun in store here, along with the emotional side which tells us how important family is – spending time with children is that significant. The movie also talks about that cruel mindset of the corporate world, which is clearly against anything human or close to life. The profit-oriented society is killing so many families with all the focus on money-making, right? Well, loving humans is not that easy as loving money, isn’t it?

The claws of flaw :: One has to feel that Storks did rush through the proceedings, and everything happens rather too fast. We could have slowly and smoothly moved through all those sweet, cute moments, but this one was surely in a hurry – we also wanted to see more of the wolves and penguins in this flick; maybe there can be spin-offs. The basic idea about the storks might also be a little outdated, and the myth might also go over the head of more than one person or two. There is also the chance the main characters might feel irritating at times. One also wonders how cute the babies can remain, as the teenage fury seems to come and affect everyone a little too early these days; the age out of cuteness beginning too early too be exact, as we see in that Carnival Cinemas advertisement. We are also tend to wonder if this could have been even better on the lines of Moana, Zootopia, Frozen, Inside Out, Big Hero 6, Epic, Kung Fu Panda, How to Train Your Dragon, or such kind, with an even better story.

How it finishes :: Nicholas Stoller had directed a movie which is often considered among the worst movies which were appreciated by the US critics, The Neighbors, but Storks is that kind of a movie from him and Doug Sweetland that everybody will love to keep falling in love with, again and again. Well, have you seen this kind of cuteness for a long time? The animated movies usually take themselves as cute, and don’t include any extra cuteness, but not with Storks, which adds the cuteness as the secret, special ingredient. When this cuteness is guaranteed with entertainment, it is nothing less than a crime not to get your little ones here. A colourful movie is what is needed to get some colour into your life, and Storks might be the perfect flick to do that – you will love babies more for sure, after watching Storks. I have myself found myself more cuteness and love after this one.

Release date: 23rd September 2016
Running time: 87 minutes
Directed by: Nicholas Stoller, Doug Sweetland
Starring: Andy Samberg, Katie Crown, Kelsey Grammer, Jennifer Aniston, Ty Burrell, Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, Danny Trejo, Chris Smith, Awkwafina, Ike Barinholtz, Amanda Lund, Jorma Taccone

@ Cemetery Watch
✠ The Vampire Bat.

The Expendables III

Posted on August 23, 2014 by Tennyson

Vampire Owl :: I am outsourcing this. Counting sucks.

Vampire Bat :: It is impossible to count the superstars in this movie, especially because we predate Mathematics. Uncle Dracula survived for so long without it.

Vampire Owl :: I am hiring an owlification assistant.

Vampire Bat :: Leave it and just remember Sylvester Stallone.

Vampire Owl :: I just hope the screen is enough for all of them.

Vampire Bat :: I told you it was better to watch Scarlett Johansson.

Vampire Owl :: I have graveyard shift. How can I wake up for its early show?

Vampire Bat :: There is something called alarm. Try it at least once. I know you can’t stand that sound.

Vampire Owl :: Still better than being under an ice bucket.

Vampire Bat :: I am not wasting water on that.

[Goes to the ticket counter].

What is it about? :: Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and his team of Expendables is once again in a conflict, but this time, they come face to face against the co-founder of the same team long ago, Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), who has transformed himself into a ruthless man. Barney’s team lose the battle there and are almost killed, with Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) seriously injured. He leaves his old team behind for their own safety and gets a new one including John Smilee (Kellan Lutz), Luna (Ronda Rousey), Thorn (Glen Powell) and Mars (Victor Ortiz) and goes after the new enemy, much to the dismay of the older members, especially Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren) and Toll Road (Randy Couture). But would that be enough to take down the big man who has always been one step ahead of the current Expendables leader? Will the strength and agility of the new members prove better than the experience and smartness of the older members? Can the team even stand together in a battle for which they are not actually enough trained and prepared? Will they live up-to their name, or can they actually live beyond their name?

The defence of The Expendables 3 :: Here comes the nostalgia of The Terminator, Rambo and a few others on the screen, and it is something that can’t be matched. It is something like a 20-20 cricket match in which there are so many superstars with two all-star teams playing, with legends running all around. It is that kind of an opportunity which comes only with this franchise lead by Sylvester Stallone and his team(s). It is where the movie scores easy points, an advantage which no other movie or franchise got, and something like this might not be easy to come either. The action sequences are also there are expected, but they are really less here, and they come late. There are lots of stylish and powerful sequences there, and it is not just good to see them together – it is more than that to the fans. There were lots of claps in the theatre, especially for three people, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, the last one even without doing much. That much is the power of these people, and the movie can run nicely with that.

The claws of flaw :: The movie has a population problem in there, with the density of population being too much for a flick which lasts just over two hours – there is not enough for everyone, and the plot also suffers due to the same; it seemed to want to do something for all the stars, but fails miserably in doing it. The result is a certain amount of drag which comes in between, and for showing all these people on the screen for enough time with something given to them all, the movie misses out on being engaging. The action sequences are missing for quite a lot of time, and the first half thus goes into a slower mode. It struggles so hard to be not the shadow of itself in a world which itself is losing in strength. The dialogues also lack punch, as if the stars are losing their powers to entertain along with becoming older. There is no innovation added to the movie in this sequel, as it depends on its own superstars who have been crowd favourites for such a long time. It is repetitive, and is surely going to do the same again.

Performers of the soul :: I had expected this to be the movie of Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham, but that was not the case to be. The movie has scenes and sequences for almost everyone there, and it tries to give something to all. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jet Li are wasted in their roles, as they are left with nothing much to do other than being there only to get some action just as the end nears – the latter actually seems lesser known to audience here these days while the former at least gets some claps when his face is shown on the big screen – thanks to those awesome flicks of his wonderful times; same is the case of Stallone and Statham. This population explosion on the screen has actually made their characters suffer a lot. The worst hit might be Antonio Banderas who is caught in a role which never really seemed to suit him, and yet he has tried so well. The question would remain what was the need for him to take a character which was better suited for someone like Jet Li – meanwhile, Mel Gibson and Ronda Rousey steals the show – there is no second opinion about it.

Soul exploration :: The Expendables III is undoubtedly the worst movie of the franchise so far even as it is not bad otherwise. Its inability to live up-to the expectations is actually depressing and not anything else. As it has those superstars whom we loved for such a long time, and even defined our childhood, it needed something for us to remember and recollect. But this one just comes and goes, leaving nothing behind. It surely shows us our favourite stars, but does nothing to support them. With all this talent brought together, is this all they could do? The 34% critics rating at Rotten Tomatoes is not a surprise, and you will know it from the first half itself, and the second half also struggles to provide anything good to these stars other than what they are getting paid. This won’t be a movie in which they will be remembered. It is a sad situation for our memories, but at the same time, it does awaken that nostalgia – so we can’t keep blaming them for giving us something to cheer about, right?

How it finishes :: The Expendables III is not of the power that its franchise used to have, as it is struggles to keep itself going. It is unable to find any special ingrediant for the movie as it goes on with its usual style which is less interesting at this stage when they are coming up with a third movie on the same path as its predecessors. But still its major competitor this weekend from Hollywood is just Lucy, as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is yet to arrive here, and Guardians of the Galaxy, Hercules and Into the Storm remains in the theatres. The Hindi movie of the weekend is Mardaani and the Malayalam one is Munnariyippu. There is not much challenge in store for a movie which has so many superstar in a world which is governed by celebrity worship. Still, the power is undoubtedly reduced this time, as this is the third movie of a franchise which has no innovation – but it is always good to see these superstars who were there during our childhood, right?

Release date: 22nd August 2014 (India); 15th August 2014 (US)
Running time: 126 minutes
Directed by: Patrick Hughes
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell, Victor Ortiz, Robert Davi, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford

@ Cemetery Watch
✠ The Vampire Bat.

Transformers IV

Posted on June 28, 2014 by Tennyson

Vampire Owl :: Isn’t this the movie in which your Chevrolet Beat transforms?

Vampire Bat :: No, it doesn’t. The best it can do is to transform into a Titanic on on our roads on a monsoon season giving company to the other cars.

Vampire Owl :: Shouldn’t the movie at least feature you?

Vampire Bat :: Why me? When was the last time I transformed?

Vampire Owl :: It is named Age of Extinction. I think Vampire Bats are going extinct. Nobody really likes you. Even Poe prefers a raven at night.

Vampire Bat :: No, that is not true. There are people who like me, like Count Dracula, Batman, the cute zombie girl next door and twelve thousand two hundred and fifty three normal vampires. I might even have a candlelight dinner with Countess Dracula.

Vampire Owl :: I hope you take this lightly, but Countess Dracula is dead.

Vampire Bat :: What? When?

Vampire Owl :: I am not sure, but that should be about four hundred years ago or so?

Vampire Bat :: It is difficult being immortal; you have to watch good people suffering and bad people thriving.

[Enters the movie hall].

What is it about? :: Years have passed since the last battle between autobots and decepticons which left the city in ruins and so many people dead, making it difficult for the government to rebuild it again, and as a result, all the aliens were declared fugitives and there was not going to be any combined efforts between humans and the autobots anymore. Another transformer called Lockdown who belongs to neither of the two factions is shown to help the government in doing the same, with a promise of something in return for the capture of the autobot leader, Optimus Prime. Meanwhile, the human research on dead transformers is progressing, and there was the discovery of transformium, a metal which is unstable and can transform, creating more of such robots which can replace human soldiers in the case of a war. With the help of a captured Brains, they are slowly using this metal to build transformers which accept command from the humans, including Galvatron, Stinger and Junkheap. At the same time, Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) and his friend Lucas Flannery (T. J. Miller) purchase an old truck in hope of helping Tessa Yeager (Nicola Peltz) in her studies with the money they can get from selling the parts. But that truck would be Optimus Prime in hiding and things will take a turn.

The defence of Transformers: Age of Extinction :: The movie has great battles, as robots collide and fight against each other in a war which lets sparks fly and makes things come towards you in 3D which is a nice visual extravaganza. The special effects nicely compliment the action sequences, and the chaotic world is nice to watch with transformations to come with the same. There are the nice cars to which the robots transform which look better than ever. The best scene is that which involves the huge spaceship which wanders in the sky, and also uses its powers with all the possible awesomeness as far as a movie like this is concerned. The destruction is also taken to another level. The transformations also take a twist, with dinobots having robots transforming into giant dinosaurs as well as the human constructed transformers having their own way of changing, all of them contributing in a different manner. The three machines which are better than the others are the Optimus Prime and Galvatron (Pacific Rim‘s Gypsy Danger’s evil twin) trucks along with the cars of Lockdown and Stinger. There is a lot for the Transformers fans to cheer about, as the awesome heroes once again go on their mission to save planet Earth with the support of a very few human allies. The human greed and the inherent evil are also nicely shown.

The claws of flaw :: The movie suffers from the usual problems with the plot which we can associate with all the Transformers movies which try to follow the path of the original with one villain at a time, Megatron, Fallen and Sentinel Prime who were in the previous movies make way for Lockdown, and Megatron is once again here being the secondary villain, just in another form. There is also the old truck Optimus Prime who refuses to stay in the grave and comes back from the dead as the metallic zombie which I have always hoped to have stayed dead or refusing to die at all. Bumblebee continues to be overrated and lives, while the kill off the last interesting robot from the first movie, Ratchet, something which they already did to Jazz and Ironhide. The robot design is also more complicated, but at the same time, horribly flawed, as we no longer see the usual robot faces, but creatures with face of Japanese Samurai and those with beard and smoking cigars, something which looks so dumb in the detail. The plot gets predictable by the second half, and the addition of dinobots is nice variety, but the way in which they are introduced is lame. The movie is also too long and has too many repetitive fights which often makes the viewers wonder if they had already seen all these. The characterization is another case for downfall.

Performances of the soul :: Mark Wahlberg is rock solid in this movie, and it is good to see him instead of the usual cast that we had, because he is always one of those nice action stars who are suitable to play this kind of role which involves being the hero and yet not being the strongest one around. Here he is, being the mechanic, father and action hero all at the same time, and makes it work even as his character is not without flaws. Nicola Peltz is more about being the beauty among the population which are mostly robots or action heroes, and being the one with teenage girl problems and having problems with her father. She looks great and proves that one thing. Sophia Myles and Li Bingbing also contributes to the overall beauty, having nothing too much with their characters. T. J. Miller provides some comic side which is there only for some time. Stanley Tucci’s partially villainous character also provides some comic relief during the intense action, but it only works partially – not something which the Transformers franchise haven’t tried before and often succeeded; other times proving the inherent dumbness. Jack Reynor has a nice presence, as what can be called the supporting actor, but as a need for our girlfriend to have a love interest. Kelsey Grammer is a nice villain, but not fully utilized and forced to come second. Titus Welliver also comes up with a strong performance.

Soul exploration :: The movie leaves with hope for a sequel, but the question remains if it has a soul to work on. It had the always-ready-to-die Optimus Prime with an ideal, but that is actually less worked on now. The autobot-decepticon enmity has also gone the wrong way. At the same time, the movie has given us an idea about how bad the effects of science and technology can be, and there are secrets that should be left alone, for there are other things that humanity should focus on, as they are that species which are infested by greed, hatred, lust and envy. The technology is rarely safe in the hands of man, as they are incapable of handling the same due to the presence of their inherent evil nature. When the movie goes on to be a massive success story at the box-office, the one thing we have to think about is how well it has portrayed humanity and the problems caused by its pride. Even a robot knows better than humans who are blessed with better teachers throughout the centuries, and even with all the knowledge that they have gathered, man fails to be good, and it is a case of shame. Then in finding the creators, they are indeed Prometheus infested.

How it finishes :: I had considered Transformers: Dark of the Moon as the worst Transformers movie of all time, and I will stick to the same, but I would still think that our movie here has got more problems in its story-line than the others, but it does make up with the better special effects and action sequences, plus Mark Wahlberg who looks very well suited for this kind of role. Still, except for the first Transformers movie which I have watched so many times already, I wouldn’t dare to watch another one of this franchise again. I would suggest you watch the robots of Pacific Rim rather than watch the aliens of this movie if given a choice. But there is no denying that this movie is pure entertainment, except for the fact that its lack of brain and the repetition, along with the terrible length makes the situation a bit intolerable to a few. Transformers fans should like this movie a lot, and the new additions can impress a number of viewers. This is one of those non-superhero Hollywood movies which are running houseful right from the day it was released, and one can be sure that this is not the end for this franchise, and this sequel is going to collect a lot of money.

Release date: 27th June 2014
Running time: 165 minutes
Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Kelsey Grammer, Stanley Tucci, Jack Reynor, Sophia Myles, Li Bingbing, Titus Welliver, T. J. Miller, Melanie Specht, Victoria Summer