Osiris

Posted on April 2, 2026 by Tennyson

Vampire Owl: A movie about the Egyptian god who brings the dead back to life?

Vampire Bat: I feel that there will be only a small connection.

Vampire Owl: The name should actually be associated with us as we come back from the dead.

Vampire Bat: The vampire elders do not approve of the dead given more importance than the undead.

Vampire Owl: Is there any undead who do not come from the dead?

Vampire Bat: The undead are also summoned through magic.

Vampire Owl: Aren’t they the animated skeletons of necromancers and northern witches?

Vampire Bat: And they call us the animated ones.

Vampire Owl: The necromancers have been banished for too long.

Vampire Bat: There are still the necromancer vampires.

[Gets an avocado shake and three cups of Vagamon tea].

What is the movie about? :: US Special Forces on a mission in the desert, Kelly (Max Martini), Rhodie (LaMonica Garrett), Jax (Jaren Mitchell), Reyes (Michael Irby), Gibbs (David Meadows), Nash (Linds Edwards), Bull (Dawson Towery) and Scars (Stanley White Jr) find themselves in a tough battle on the ground, only to find something else also coming up. They are abducted by some strange floating structure of gigantic proportions that appears on the sky after unleashing some kind of weapon on the ground. The floating structure seemed to cause enough havoc on the ground, much more than what was happening around. After a series of nightmares, those who survived awaken, disoriented and confined within some stasis pods, on what seems to be an alien spaceship or an extra-terrestrial building, maybe even located outside the planet. The structure seems to be scientifically advanced, with very less lighting, even though not without stains and dirt, as if straight out of a realistic first-person shooter game.

So, what happens with the events here as we just keep looking? :: As the soldiers further explore the areas, they come across skinned human corpses hanging from above and unfamiliar but seemingly advanced weapons and technology. They also find a struggling young Russian woman Ravishka (Brianna Hildebrand) who is tightly chained to a pole, and as they rescue her, they meet her captors too. The captors are strange creatures, tall, eyeless humanoids with armored skin, sharp claws and energy-based weapons and shields. They keep fighting their way with the help of alien devices which they manage to take from the fallen ones. Ravishka tells them that she feels that she is from around there as she has been around for a long time, and explains that the ship collects humans to be processed as food. She guides them in a journey away from danger through lesser-traveled maintenance tunnels. After a series of encounters with aliens and near-death situations, they fall into a pool of blood filled with remains of dead humans.

What more happens here as aliens seem to be near-invincible and ready for food? :: They are rescued by another survivor named Anya (Linda Hamilton), Ravishka’s mother, who tells them that she has been there for a very long time, and was part of a Russian team which tried to fight the aliens who tried to take over the world. None of them are left now with the last group being captured with Ravishka and brutally murdered. Now, they have to depend on the newly found friends. There, they realize some of the strangest truths about what happened on Earth and how aliens have been going about. They have now lost almost half their soldiers, and are only fortified better with the alien weapons and ammunitions – but the aliens are tracking them through heat signatures and sound. After knowing more, they realize that they have a bigger mission than they thought about and it would be tougher than ever. Can they accomplish that without losing any more of their people?

The defence of Osiris :: The movie has some fast-paced combat that keeps us interested at all times. The signs are shown early enough with the first battle in the desert before the aliens’ arrival, and points to some military warfare more than a random alien invasion. The shootouts feel great from the desert to the alien ship and we have an action game mode feeling going on here. The details are very good, with the spaceship having a classic look, and aliens looking like part of a fine design. There are those moments when we first see the aliens, and the second just before that, which kept us at the edge of the seat like not many other alien movies could do. These are the kind of aliens that we can accept more than any other, and brings some nostalgia back to us. The action feels classic, and we are reminded of Doom in its multiple forms as aliens are no less than demons either, even supported further by some dialogues spoken. The intensity of the battles keeps a certain level at all times. The need for survival is always there, hoping against hopelessness.

The claws of flaw :: The movie does not go deep into the material, and is happy with the surface level journey. There seems to be a little bit too much dependance on the early science fiction movies, including Alien and Predator as well as those sequels. The innovation was there to be taken, but it does not come to the front. The script could have used a push, with more classic elements, and as we see how the movie ended, there could have been more clues in between, with better connection to the title. By the end of the movie, saving the girl gets too much of an attention despite her being introduced as a fighter in captivity in the beginning. Some of the characters are just there for the sake of being there, and even the main characters seem to get less attention to their detail. The moments of survival and twists could have also been better written to create better impact, and alien invasions could have been explained with visuals. There were so many opportunities to make the situations more and more interesting.

How it finishes :: There was always scope for so much more, but that much is not taken here, with the safe zone seemingly the place to be, without that extra innovation. There are not many deviations which seem to be in the mind of the makers which could come out of the box. Still, this remains a very much entertaining journey – there is no boring moment as you are transported to this dangerous world. It is that strong sci-fi action entertainer rather than a thoughtful science-fiction movie. The fast-paced action, alien attacks and nostalgic appeal the best for some time-pass watch rather than provoking thoughts. But some struggle in writing, predictability in plotting, and thin character development keep it from standing out within its genre or leaving a lasting impact. It feels more like a derivative sci-fi action film that never ceases to be entertaining, and also has a scary side taking it close to another genre, as we wonder if this could also become a successful computer game in future.

Release date: 25th July 2025
Running time: 108 minutes
Directed by: William Kaufman
Starring: Max Martini, Brianna Hildebrand, LaMonica Garrett, Linds Edwards, Jaren Mitchell, David Meadows, Michael Irby, Linda Hamilton

<<< Click here to go to the previous review.

<<< Click here to go to the biggest movie of last year.

@ Cemetery Watch
✠ The Vampire Bat.

Monster Hunter

Posted on December 12, 2021 by Tennyson

Vampire Owl: I know that humans call us the monsters.

Vampire Bat: Well, this is not about us, for sure.

Vampire Owl: I do know that humans are the monsters though.

Vampire Bat: That idea has been reiterated so many times.

Vampire Owl: We have seen the same clearly in the film, Kuruthi.

Vampire Bat: I am sure that there are many more examples outside the movies.

Vampire Owl: I had known the same from an alien in The Blackout too.

Vampire Bat: The aliens always know things better.

Vampire Owl: Yes, it is why the aliens won’t talk to humans.

Vampire Bat: I think that it is better for aliens to not talk to these humans. They are hopeless creatures living in hatred for their own kind.

[Gets a marble cake and three glasses of blackcurrant shake].

What is the movie about? :: In a parallel world, referred to as the New World, humans are fighting monsters all the time, and these creatures come from under the sands, while people use ships looking like galleys and galleons to travel on the sands of this particular world. There, one of the people (Tony Jaa), a skilled warrior against monsters is separated from the other crew members of their ship, as they are attached by Diablos, a huge, powerful subterranean monster. Back on Earth, United States Army soldiers led by Natalie Artemis (Milla Jovovich) and her United Nations team are searching for their missing team in a desert. They come across a huge storm with lightning which seems to activate some stones there having inscriptions. They are taken into a portal, and from there, they enter a space without gravity and then into the New World. There they find what remains of the missing soldiers and also their vehicles. The don’t figure out what happened, and the place looks like a different type of desert with so much of sand.

So, what happens with the events here? :: The map doesn’t match with what is seen at the map, and all the technology they have for guidance is messed up without any chance for a repair. They are relieved to find that at least their weapons and vehicles seem to work. But none of their weapons are even a little effective against the monster which seems to be protected against such weaponry with some kind of armour. Some of them are killed, and the remaining troops go into a cave, only to be attacked another type of monsters, spider-like, and crawling through the caves. There are many such monsters who fill up the cave, and they are all infected by the monsters, dead or almost all good as dead. Natalie manages to escape from their cocoons because she was only paralyzed earlier, and had overcome the same. She manages to escape the same, and it is still to found if she can survive in this world full of monsters, and it is to be seen what role Hunter has to play in her survival and a possible return to Earth. But with monsters everywhere, that is indeed doubtful.

The defence of Monster Hunter :: This is one full action film with the terrifying monsters adding nicely to it in style. The creatures are all terrifying and detailed enough to catch our attention, and the slaying methods entertaining as they should be. There are grand moments with such creatures all around and attacking with full strength, and you have dragons as well as sand-serpents along with crawlers. The new world with its elements are also a joy to watch. There are so much to be seen with the visual splendour, even thought it is not that colourful – the situation is rather dark when we look at it, seemingly a lost world. A new world created makes our escapist tendencies feel better every time. The film, as it is based on the video game of the same name, does remind us of a computer game with its features – the world itself is something which suits a high quality video game, but it is not a game which is popular around here, and I am yet to find someone from life to have played it. The sound effects and the music nicely adds to what is seen on the screen. It also has a special scene in between the credits, so do look forward to that.

The claws of flaw :: This doesn’t manage to move out of the video game feeling enough to create a full film effect. There is very less importance given to the characters, and we don’t really know much about what is happening in the new world or the old one. We just have the action, and so many characters from the original world are killed too early for our liking. As this is more or less like an origin story of a possible franchise, there should have been a better explanation for things in the beginning. Waiting for a sequel with only this much action done is a little too less for our liking. A few things also get repetitive at times, not just related to this film, but also about other movies. The focus is also only one two characters, and we have a few others in the beginning and the end, and nothing more. The game also happens to be Capcom’s second biggest seller after the Resident Evil franchise, and so one has to wonder if this film is enough for the game, and only those who have played one or two of the games in the franchise can tell us clearly about it.

Performances of the soul :: Milla Jovovich in an action film is always joy to watch, as she has shown the best in the Resident Evil films, which ended with Resident Evil: Retribution and Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Whenever she is around, we can be sure that there can a lot of spectacular action sequences coming together, and this one is no exception. She is like the action heroine who is there for such sequences forever. It is the similar case of Tony Jaa who is also known for the same genre, even though Mila had some horror added to her films every time, mixing the genres rather than sticking to one thing. Other than these two, there is no other character who has anything significant to do here. They do make a good team, especially as action is all that they need to do here. Maybe, there could be a video game based on this film some day, rather than the other way around. The only other person whom I can think of, related to such action films is Kate Beckinsale, the lady vampire of Underworld and its sequels as well as Total Recall.

How it finishes :: Adapted from the video game of the same name, this film also maintains the effect of being inside a game, and even though it might not have received the positive reviews just like the other game adaptation, this is an effective one. I did find movies based on computer games to be better than what the critics said, and Hitman: Codename 47, Need for Speed, Doom: Annihilation, Prince of Persia and Max Payne are a few of them. There were surely the bad ones, like Assassin’s Creed, but movies based on games have a tendency different from the rest. Well, this one makes an interesting film in that list for sure. You are transported into a new world that reminds on of Avatar and John Carter, even though this is mostly a world of desert terrain, which means there is not that much to enjoy the colours. But with this one, you enjoy the action set in a new world with monsters all around, and watching such monster hunting is fun enough. You are never really short of some fine monsters around here, that is for sure.

Release date: 28th May 2020
Running time: 116 minutes
Directed by: Paul WS Anderson
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Tony Jaa, Meagan Good, Tip Harris, Diego Boneta, Josh Helman, Jin Au-Yeung, Ron Perlman

<— Click here to go to the previous review.

@ Cemetery Watch
✠ The Vampire Bat.

Fender Bender

Posted on January 30, 2017 by Tennyson

Vampire Owl: A movie on a minor collision? How minor is that?

Vampire Bat: It is not really minor, as you consider what happens after the collision. You should read the synopsis of the story somewhere.

Vampire Owl: Yes, that person is a serial killer. It is quite natural.

Vampire Bat: It is not natural! Are you thinking Joy Ride, Wrecker or Duel?

Vampire Owl: No, people drive like serial killers these days.

Vampire Bat: It is a human thing. The whole humanity finds it difficult to drive. It is because they have lost all their magic to science.

Vampire Owl: We could provide them with more magic. Then there will be more necromancers than serial killers. We will be doing them a favour.

Vampire Bat: Necromancers are really not that good for them under the current circumstances either.

Vampire Owl: Then they should really learn how to drive.

Vampire Bat: Well, I hope that they do.

[Gets three cups of masala tea with jackfruit chips].

What is the movie about? :: A girl named Jennifer (Cassidy Freeman) is alone in her house, and after talking on phone about some random incident during the day, gets the message from an unknown number – the person on the other side seems to know what she is doing though. Even though she feels uncomfortable in the beginning, she just dismisses it as one random guess becoming correct. Soon, she is attacked by a masked figure right out of darkness, and while trying to escape through the window, is stabbed to death by the man in the mask. Then there is Hilary (Makenzie Vega), a teenager has just found out that her boyfriend Andy (Harrison Sim) is cheating her with another girl whom he kisses in front of her. Just a few days after getting her driving license and driving her mother’s new car for the first time, it happens that some random car just hits her vehicle on the back.

So, what happens next? :: She provides all of her information to the driver of the car (Bill Sage) who also shares his information – from address and phone number to taking photos, they keep the information, which Hilary uses to contact the insurance company that tells her to wait till they process the data. Her boyfriend apologizes to her, but she goes with what her friends had said, and dumps him. When she returns home, her parents are really angry about her relationship with the recently dumped boyfriend, and it gets worse that she has ruined the new car. They decide to go on their intended trip without her, and despite her repeated requests, they leave her alone in house after declaring her grounded. She notices that the car which had hit her earlier was moving on the road in front her home too. But it does disappear soon enough, and she gets back to doing her things.

So, how do things go from here? :: But strange things begin to happen as she finds her own photo in her mobile which was taken by someone else, and the photos of the car and the driver which she had taken were deleted. She hears a knock at the door, and is relieved to find that it is her friends Erik (Kelsey Montoya) and Rachel (Dre Davis) who have come to check if she is okay. The ex-boyfriend, Andy also comes at the door, and they blame him for the pranks on her phone, but it is certainly not the case, as it turns out to be. A late call from the insurance agency reveals the truth about the owner of the car, and the killer soon begins his game. Can Hilary escape from this madness, or will she become another victim on the long list? How can her friends help, and what role will the ex-boyfriend play with death sneaking around the dark corners?

The defence of Fender Bender :: Even though we know who the killer is and who the next victim is supposed to be, there is no shortage of thrills in this flick. The scary moments come in very well, and we will like this as a slasher movie too, with all the gore. As a home invasion movie, this one gets to a good position in the list too. There is also one other costume, which can nicely establish this villain as another big name like Jason, Freddy, Chrome Skull, Rusty Nail, Michael Myers, Harry Warden or Victor Crowley – if there is a sequel, that could work really well to establish a new franchise; the ending also makes sure that the scope is there to do the same. We can make sure that people will drive more responsibly if one such antagonist is unleashed only on those creepy ones on the road. Among many things, one thing that the leading lady Makenzie Vega proves here though, is that she can be in more of similar movies – a future scream queen in store here for sure.

The claws of flaw :: For some reason, Fender Bender just tries to keep close to what has been tried before, and doesn’t bring anything that new, even when there was a solid chance in store. There could have surely been more intensity with what the movie deals with – there is one serious serial killer right here, and the movie’s inability to make the maximum use of the same is rather confusing. We could have also done without the antagonist making his intentions clear too early – more suspense could have been added there. After it is made clear, the movie delays too much to get into the killing spree, which is really a bad idea. Also, the characters other than the leading lady gets killed too fast, and these characters are also there for a less amount of time for us to get to know them. This story could have gone deeper too, with the antagonist more established, but this should work pretty well for most people with all that is present in the movie.

[Walks into a bakery after the movie].

Vampire Owl: It was not bad as I expected.

Vampire Bat: Your expectations have been flawed for some time.

Vampire Owl: Do you know what kind of people need to be taught a lesson by some fender bender people?

Vampire Bat: Those who drive like maniacs, especially those on those huge motorbikes riding like psychos, right? You were talking about them last day.

Vampire Owl: Yes them too. But more than that, it is about those people who cause traffic jams. A few days ago, I was traveling from Aluva to Perumbavoor, and there is this auditorium on the way at Thottumugham which has very less parking space, and people are parking everywhere on the road. Disgusting, anti-social creatures who have no respect for others. At least, if they can’t arrange enough parking, these people shouldn’t invite this many people for wedding receptions.

Vampire Bat: I faced the same thing near Muvattupuzha on the Arakuzha road which has an auditorium which seems to have not enough parking. These people have everyone parking on the sides of the road – actually both sides on a road which is not a big enough one. Along with the same, they had buses for this particular wedding reception, and it was held in the evening. There was almost no hope to escape from this traffic trouble – it was so long.

Vampire Owl: The same was the case of the wedding reception I am talking about. When will the auditoriums provide enough parking space, or will these idiots have the brain to park responsibly?

Vampire Bat: We should note down those who repeat the offence and send the list to the responsible humans.

Vampire Owl: They all need their fender benders.

Vampire Bat: Yes, they do.

[Gets one sweet porotta, one blackcurrant shake and a glass full of grape juice].

Release date: 23rd May 2016
Running time: 91 minutes
Directed by: Mark Pavia
Starring: Makenzie Vega, Cassidy Freeman, Dre Davis, Kelsey Leos Montoya, Harrison Sim, Bill Sage, Lora Cunningham, Steven Michael Quezada