Vampire Owl :: So we are going to watch Megan Fox.

Vampire Bat :: We are going to watch some mutated turtles who got ninja training and claims to be teenagers.

Vampire Owl :: Okay. We are going to watch one fox and four turtles. Still, I will watch the Fox more.

Vampire Bat :: It is quite obvious that we will watch Megan Fox more. But this movie is still about turtles.

Vampire Owl :: But the real turtle movie was in Malayalam. It was called Annayum Rasoolum. But it was neither for teenagers or mutated.

Vampire Bat :: That was the snail movie. Turtles are actually faster. The movie might even lose a race to a random snail.

Vampire Owl :: How can you be sure that turtles are faster? What if there is a turbo mode?

Vampire Bat :: Because turtles have legs?

Vampire Owl :: Why are we even talking about turtles when there is Megan Fox?

Vampire Bat :: Because we have to remember the name at the counter.

[Goes to the ticket counter].

What is it about? :: April O’Neil (Megan Fox) is a reporter who keeps looking for some big story which can take her status at the news office to a higher level. For the same, she attempts to gather some information about a criminal gang called the Foot Clan, but ends up seeing the goons being defeated by some shadow-like figures which comes out of nowhere and disappears. As she has no proof about the same, nobody really believes her, and she sets out to find more information about the same. The Turtles Leonardo (Johnny Knoxville), Michelangelo (Noel Fisher), Donatello (Jeremy Howard), and Raphael (Alan Ritchson) soon come in contact with her and she is caught in a battle between Foot Clan lead by The Shredder (Tohoru Masamune) and his wealthy and influential student Eric Sacks (William Fichtner) and the turtles. But the evil plan of the gang seems to be much more than just random robbery, smuggling and other criminal activities, as it turns out that the major objective is much more than all of those. But are the turtles and April good enough to stop the same?

The defence of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles :: The movie’s title itself explains what is to be expected from it, as there is basically nothing else about this movie other than the four crime-fighting reptiles with one heroine. The action sequences are very well done here, and there are lots of nice ones, even as some of them might be a bit difficult to follow with the pace. The special effects are very good and the turtles are nicely detailed even as there can be the doubt about it suiting the current creative imagination. The funny side works up-to an extent. The stunts are very good in 3D and they look even better when the action takes place with such a such a great background atmosphere – the tunnels, the rooftop and the scientific laboratory with its surrounding snow covered world are those premises where the stylish fights take place. There is lot of style involved along with the destruction and particles being thrown at you in 3D making good use of the technology. Three of the turtles other than the flirt are okay, but may be they wanted to prove that even turtles love Megan Fox, the most gorgeous one?

The claws of flaw :: This movie is basically about talking reptiles which can talk and turtles which can move faster than trained humans. But this movie made about walking humanoid turtles turns out to be immature for the adult viewers. I am pretty sure that I would have enjoyed this movie if I had this opportunity about fifteen years ago, and that would have been the right moment for me to go for this. But for an average adult audience, this should look pretty much stupid and silly for most of the time. The turtles are also somewhat irritating, while the Michelangelo one completely destroys the name of that Italian Renaissance painter with too much ridiculous dialogues. The characterization is just made to differentiate between the turtles and nothing else is worked on, including the roles of the villains as well as our heroine. The movie also goes on predictable lines, with an investigator looking for news, and a few heroes being trained by someone, and the villains who wish to spread chaos in the city for making money and fame. The movie needed more attention in its working, and the turtles needed re-working for the age.

Performers of the soul :: Even as this is all about the four turtles, Megan Fox becomes that leading lady and the one human character which steals all the attention. She plays the only positive non-CGI character that is there to catch our sight. She looks extremely good throughout the movie and there is no doubt about the fact that there is only one gorgeous lady who gets all the attention. It is just another role which follows the usual stereotype stuff, and yet it is clear that she has done what was expected from her in such a movie. I doubt if something more was actually expected when such a shallow character was given to her. Yes, everybody knows why she is there, and the obvious fact that she is a reason for people to be happy even if everything goes terribly wrong. Meanwhile, William Fichtner turns out to be a good villain there. Then there are the turtles and one rat, plus the villain in the armour, all of them going in a typical comic book style, with nothing special there – add one possible boyfriend there too for the lovely young lady.

Soul exploration :: When we say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has no soul, it should be mainly about the characters in this movie, especially the major protagonists, and that is indeed the case here. There is just that collection of names of the Italian Renaissance painters which is not going to make Florence any happier. The movie attempts to go through their characters, and the one rat father figure, but that doesn’t work too well. The turtles remain weird and leaves not much to relate, while Megan Fox has a character to play with all the one-dimensional qualities reflected clearly. This should be a major reason why the rabbit might actually win the race for a change, and can we not bet on him for going past such lazy turtles with ease? Wasn’t that always supposed to happen? There was always that long lost animated series which we used to watch as kids, and loved – but this one doesn’t live up-to the strength of those works. May be we can somehow watch them and also get those comics which I never had the opportunity to read.

How it finishes :: Twenty one days after its release in the United States, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles finally releases in India. It has been a long wait, and considering the time spent thinking that it will release tomorrow, or another tomorrow, this didn’t prove to be worth it. This is also the highest rate I have paid for a movie in the last few months, and it did make me wonder if it was money well spent. Step Up: All In has also released here, and its fate is yet to be known. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has still managed to bring in its own audience, including children, families and the youth, and it is quite surprising with the reviews it had got, not many positive ones there. There is a sequel coming up in 2016, and one has to wonder what fate it will bring, even as box-office seems to be bright for this movie – that is one thing it can boast about, being a financial success, something which can be safely associated with almost all the superhero movies with all the action and special effects. Otherwise, you can always watch a movie like this for Megan Fox – the centre of this solar system.

Release date: 29th August 2014 (India); 8th August 2014 (US)
Running time: 101 minutes
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman
Starring: Megan Fox, Alan Ritchson, Jeremy Howard, Pete Ploszek, Noel Fisher, Will Arnett, Danny Woodburn, William Fichtner, Johnny Knoxville, Tony Shalhoub

@ Cemetery Watch
✠ The Vampire Bat.