Vampire Owl :: I am outsourcing this. Counting sucks.

Vampire Bat :: It is impossible to count the superstars in this movie, especially because we predate Mathematics. Uncle Dracula survived for so long without it.

Vampire Owl :: I am hiring an owlification assistant.

Vampire Bat :: Leave it and just remember Sylvester Stallone.

Vampire Owl :: I just hope the screen is enough for all of them.

Vampire Bat :: I told you it was better to watch Scarlett Johansson.

Vampire Owl :: I have graveyard shift. How can I wake up for its early show?

Vampire Bat :: There is something called alarm. Try it at least once. I know you can’t stand that sound.

Vampire Owl :: Still better than being under an ice bucket.

Vampire Bat :: I am not wasting water on that.

[Goes to the ticket counter].

What is it about? :: Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and his team of Expendables is once again in a conflict, but this time, they come face to face against the co-founder of the same team long ago, Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), who has transformed himself into a ruthless man. Barney’s team lose the battle there and are almost killed, with Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) seriously injured. He leaves his old team behind for their own safety and gets a new one including John Smilee (Kellan Lutz), Luna (Ronda Rousey), Thorn (Glen Powell) and Mars (Victor Ortiz) and goes after the new enemy, much to the dismay of the older members, especially Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren) and Toll Road (Randy Couture). But would that be enough to take down the big man who has always been one step ahead of the current Expendables leader? Will the strength and agility of the new members prove better than the experience and smartness of the older members? Can the team even stand together in a battle for which they are not actually enough trained and prepared? Will they live up-to their name, or can they actually live beyond their name?

The defence of The Expendables 3 :: Here comes the nostalgia of The Terminator, Rambo and a few others on the screen, and it is something that can’t be matched. It is something like a 20-20 cricket match in which there are so many superstars with two all-star teams playing, with legends running all around. It is that kind of an opportunity which comes only with this franchise lead by Sylvester Stallone and his team(s). It is where the movie scores easy points, an advantage which no other movie or franchise got, and something like this might not be easy to come either. The action sequences are also there are expected, but they are really less here, and they come late. There are lots of stylish and powerful sequences there, and it is not just good to see them together – it is more than that to the fans. There were lots of claps in the theatre, especially for three people, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, the last one even without doing much. That much is the power of these people, and the movie can run nicely with that.

The claws of flaw :: The movie has a population problem in there, with the density of population being too much for a flick which lasts just over two hours – there is not enough for everyone, and the plot also suffers due to the same; it seemed to want to do something for all the stars, but fails miserably in doing it. The result is a certain amount of drag which comes in between, and for showing all these people on the screen for enough time with something given to them all, the movie misses out on being engaging. The action sequences are missing for quite a lot of time, and the first half thus goes into a slower mode. It struggles so hard to be not the shadow of itself in a world which itself is losing in strength. The dialogues also lack punch, as if the stars are losing their powers to entertain along with becoming older. There is no innovation added to the movie in this sequel, as it depends on its own superstars who have been crowd favourites for such a long time. It is repetitive, and is surely going to do the same again.

Performers of the soul :: I had expected this to be the movie of Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham, but that was not the case to be. The movie has scenes and sequences for almost everyone there, and it tries to give something to all. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jet Li are wasted in their roles, as they are left with nothing much to do other than being there only to get some action just as the end nears – the latter actually seems lesser known to audience here these days while the former at least gets some claps when his face is shown on the big screen – thanks to those awesome flicks of his wonderful times; same is the case of Stallone and Statham. This population explosion on the screen has actually made their characters suffer a lot. The worst hit might be Antonio Banderas who is caught in a role which never really seemed to suit him, and yet he has tried so well. The question would remain what was the need for him to take a character which was better suited for someone like Jet Li – meanwhile, Mel Gibson and Ronda Rousey steals the show – there is no second opinion about it.

Soul exploration :: The Expendables III is undoubtedly the worst movie of the franchise so far even as it is not bad otherwise. Its inability to live up-to the expectations is actually depressing and not anything else. As it has those superstars whom we loved for such a long time, and even defined our childhood, it needed something for us to remember and recollect. But this one just comes and goes, leaving nothing behind. It surely shows us our favourite stars, but does nothing to support them. With all this talent brought together, is this all they could do? The 34% critics rating at Rotten Tomatoes is not a surprise, and you will know it from the first half itself, and the second half also struggles to provide anything good to these stars other than what they are getting paid. This won’t be a movie in which they will be remembered. It is a sad situation for our memories, but at the same time, it does awaken that nostalgia – so we can’t keep blaming them for giving us something to cheer about, right?

How it finishes :: The Expendables III is not of the power that its franchise used to have, as it is struggles to keep itself going. It is unable to find any special ingrediant for the movie as it goes on with its usual style which is less interesting at this stage when they are coming up with a third movie on the same path as its predecessors. But still its major competitor this weekend from Hollywood is just Lucy, as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is yet to arrive here, and Guardians of the Galaxy, Hercules and Into the Storm remains in the theatres. The Hindi movie of the weekend is Mardaani and the Malayalam one is Munnariyippu. There is not much challenge in store for a movie which has so many superstar in a world which is governed by celebrity worship. Still, the power is undoubtedly reduced this time, as this is the third movie of a franchise which has no innovation – but it is always good to see these superstars who were there during our childhood, right?

Release date: 22nd August 2014 (India); 15th August 2014 (US)
Running time: 126 minutes
Directed by: Patrick Hughes
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell, Victor Ortiz, Robert Davi, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford

@ Cemetery Watch
✠ The Vampire Bat.